did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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