Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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