My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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