She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize