Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize