could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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