2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize