I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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