i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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