i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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