he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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