Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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