my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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