On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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