So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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