i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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