drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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