ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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