Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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