I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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