My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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