I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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