And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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