So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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