My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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