she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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