I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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