he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The Olympian is in my bed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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