worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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