He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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