I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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