We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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