It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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