you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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