So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize