I cut my penus on the lid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize