I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
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i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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