Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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