It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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