I didn't shave. On purpose
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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