So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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