I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize