the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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