Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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