Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize