I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize