she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize