If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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