Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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