Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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